So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
