new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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