I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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