laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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