Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
