I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
