I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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