Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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