The maid of honor just puked.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
