apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just blew my weed a kiss
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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