I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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