Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
