Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
