i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
