I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
