I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
