Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize
