just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
