I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I want to fling myself into the sun
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
