Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
