GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
