She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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