YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
