the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
