Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
