mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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