yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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