also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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