Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
