at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
This is my gift to your gina
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
