just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
