windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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