that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
