I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
