Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
