Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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