Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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