i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize