i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm always down for nudity.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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