how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
