This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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