Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
