I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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