I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
