i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I want to fling myself into the sun
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
