so explain again why im purple
no
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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