I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
