What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
