Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
