if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
